Dogs.

Except it's a dog. And it likes licking me.

So last night was full of wtfery. If I felt like illustrating, I would punctuate these paragraphs with stick figure images. I will anyways, but with faces instead.

Thursday night -

Parents: OHEY RICHARD, FRIENDS FROM CANADIA. TOMORROW NIGHT.

Me: Oh. Shit.

Friday night -

Me: Huh, I'll just eat at home cuz my jaw kinda hurts and I don't really feel like going out to eat random asian dinner at a restaurant.

Mom: Okay. You can eat with your sister, because we're going to ballet and we're missing dinner anyways.

*after we finish

Dad: Wait Richard, you don't want to come with me to eat korean bbq with canadia friends?

Me, Mom, Sis: WTF, KOREAN BBQ WHAT?!

Dad: Didn't I tell you?

Canadia Friends: Ohey, um, we don't really want to bring our dog to korean bbq.

Dad: It's okay, leave it at home with Richard. He can take care of it, he's mature.

Me: Uh sure.

Canadia Friends: It'll be alright, she's obedient. Just feed a treat twice or something.

Me: Aight.

Canadia Friends: Okay, bye!

Me: Aight.

*locks door.

Me: So...

Dog: WLAEITHAWEIR HAOWIETH OWETHAWOETIHWETIOH

Me: WHOAWHATTFHE@?!

*dog suddenly bursts into movement and drags me around house

Dog: *EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE (for those who read hyperbole and a half, ohgawd)

Me: T.T okay, I'll just give this dog a treat and... yeah...

Dog: *stares, eats, runs away.

Me: Kay.

Me: Aight, I might as well get some webassign done.

*work, work

Dog: ... (not enough noise...).... BARK BARK BARK BARKBARK

Me: WHOATHOAERYIHOAWI

Dog: *super panicky* WHINE, EEEEE, BARK, STARE

Me: I DIDN'T TAKE AWAY YOUR OWNERS, I'M SORRY, STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!

*tries to pet

Dog: *runs away

Me: Huh, dog hasn't made much sound for a few minutes. Wonder what...

Dog: *senses eyes, turns around

Me: Is that...

Dog: *resumes chewing on slippers

Me: OMFG OMFG OMFG OMFG

Me: NO BAD.

Dog: * BARK BARK

Me: DROP THE SLIPPERS!

Dog: *WHINE BARK, RUN AWAY

Me: NOOOOO. BAD DOG.

Everyone else: *finally returns* Hey, how was the dog?

Me: *cleaning up remnants of slippers* uh what.

Everyone else: What.

Me: Uh.. It was... fine... I guess...

Me: *playing video games.

Dog: *licks in ear

Me: ASDHFO AWEH%T*O)HG ASD WEHAOTH WEO *%Y@#*O ASUDIO JASD OASDFJSDIOAF JSDAFOJSDADSAIJSADIOFJFSDAIOJASOI JASDFIO JSDAOAJSD

Me: *playing mario party, rolls ones and twos the entire game

Me: This is retarded.

Dog: *licks me in the face

Me: ....

Saturday, lunch

Everyone else: Why are you so afraid of the dog?

Dog: *whines from inbetween my legs.

Me: AWEHTUO AWHET OAWHIERT OAWIH E

Everyone: You're so big but you're always so afraiddd.

Me: OH CMON.

Canadia friends: We have 70 minutes for lunch.

Me and my sis: FFFFFUUUU