ABP#05: [Anonymous]

ABP#05: Anonymous

Never post anything on the internet without a pseudonym or four; never use your real name anywhere, go by nicknames, pet names, casual names; facebook only enough so that your closest buddies know that you don't; if you must have an IM icon, pick one of the default ones - the chess one's pretty boring; don't wear blinding colors; don't wear muted colors; when picking what to wear, think what your classmates are wearing; become a chameleon, don't stick out; it doesn't matter big or small, just don't act flamboyantly or secretively; but what if I want to eat chocolates in class?; too bad, unless you want to share it all; eat your food at a steady pace - too slow singles you out when you're the last one eating; when called upon in class - answer, but use the most boring textbook answers you can think of; when called upon to present, make sure you use lots of text; remember, stay anonymous with Bs - As attract too much attention unless you're in art; laugh when expected but not too loudly, certainly not guffawing; but what if that's how I naturally laugh?; then give up, because you're a goat and goats aren't anonymous; this is how you stare in shock but not quite awe; this is how you walk and smile; this is how you score just enough points on your test so your parents don't kill you but you're still suitably average; chameleon, you are one, so blend and blend; don't panic unless you're in a theater and someone shouts fire; don't laugh at others unless your friend trips over a paper clip or if others are laughing; don't fret unless its ten minutes before a test andthen act like you haven't studied - maybe you did, but spaz anyways; make sure you tie your shoes - it's hard to be a chameleon when you're known as the guy who faceplanted into cement; listen in class to the expected degree - that is, don't unless it's AP calculus; have the most boring quirks possible - pet rocks, maybe; be average at everything you do - but don't be exceptional at being average, you have to be average at being average; are you a chameleon yet?; or try your hand at being a ghost - but not literally; anonymous people aren't ninja - it would be cool though; anonymous people aren't spies - it might be cool though; because anonymous is not standing out and ninjas and spies are about as glorified and standoutish as you can get; basically, be as boring as you can get; be average at average; but really, being anonymous is being a chameleon.