When I was a kid, people called me weird. When I graduated college, people called me strange. When I found myself as the CEO of a well-off small company, people called me “pleasantly unique and refreshing” to talk to.
Bullshit. They’re all full of bullshit, I’d like to see them say what’s really on their minds to my face, show some spine.
Heh, well, I suppose it’s understandable. After all, it’s hard and weird to interact with a guy with three personalities. Especially when he’s your boss. The shrinks love me, really.
It’s because they want to harness your brains for their nefarious plots to rule the world! Fear the inquisition! Don’t fall to the dark side!
This again? I suppose I should introduce myself then, before I forget. My name is Jonathan.
You can call me Nathaniel. Look at me weird and I’ll break your face in. Twice.
You can call me Johnnnnny! Nice to meetcha!
… If beating you up wouldn’t give me such a massive headache, I would. You are forbidden from making that expression ever again when other people are around, Johnny.
What about just in private? Like this…
Alright, cut it out, cut it out. That’s disgusting, Johnny. I feel what you feel, remember? So yeah, that’s me in a gist. I’m the guy that most people interact with, but Nathaniel and Johnny come out occasionally. Nathaniel when he’s really mad and wants to punch peop-
Nat’s got some anger issues. All work and no play make him mad all day!
…
Right. And Johnny just comes out to mindscrew with everyone because he thinks its fun.
It’s like if he never grew up. He’s got the mental maturity of a toddler. And the energy of a caffeine demon.
I do not come out to mindscrew with them. I’m just making sure they understand that they are my minionnnnnnns! Minions need to get used to my maniacal cackle so they can cackle along! Have a cackle-thon!
…Yes. Have you ever wished that you could have multiple personalities, talk to yourself when you’re alone and all that? Don’t. It’s not worth the headache.
Agreed.
Awww, you two are no fun at all!
That aside, the superimposition is… unsettling to deal with.
Oh man, tell me about it. Getting shoved into the main body when ol’ Nat is chowing down on a bowl of broccoli?! Yuck!
Same goes for you and your disgusting… smoothies, if they can be even called that! I know I tasted peanuts in there the last time you shoved me into the body…!
As you can see, having multiple personalities that don’t like each other’s favorite foods is uncomfortable for the staff and a hassle to deal with just by ourselves. That said, it is kinda nice to shunt all the heavywork to Nathaniel.
Jonathan’s reallllllly good at paperwork. You should see him, tower of papers, poof poof, done! Victory to the Johnathan man who can!
But then what does Johnny contribute?
…
…
Oh c’mon guys! My amazing reflexes? King of the couch potatoes? My ability to multitask between fifteen different games and windows?
Oh right. Games. Riiiight.
What was it, Starcraft?
CONSTRUCT ADDITIONAL PYLONS.
Right. Oh and I suppose he’s a pretty good computer artist. Animator. Coder. Whatever.
Dude, building this totally epic game where you get to play as a penguin. It’s friggin amazing, you have to build a spaceship with dust and rocks and then TRAVEL THE UNIVERSE.
…What? What the heck would be the plot?
It’s like, this totally amazing quest of self-discovery for a penguin who doesn’t know what his flippers are for. Cuz he lives on Mercury, you see? I think for the climax, I’ll put in an epic boss fight where you have to slap an asteroid with your flippers to save your epic penguin buddies.
…That sounds… fascinating. Yes. What else… oh. We’re all proficient in different languages as well, which is strange really. But I guess it’s convenient when we travel on business trips.
Multilingue per la VITTORIA! Lingue per il linguaguaggio Dio!
…Cállate... Sólo por favor ...callar.
Heh. I guess it is convenient when you go to an international business convention and understand what everyone’s saying. Bu it's weird when you don't understand yourself.
But it saves on the cost of hiring a translator. And last time, that one Russian translator gave us...what, an inkbrush?, after he lost that language contest with us.
Well, to give the guy a bit of credit, he knew a lot of languages. More than the three of us individually anyways. Then again, he's the personal translator of the minister... But yes, we did trounce him pretty badly, didn’t we? Poor guy didn't know Czech or Vietnamese. Although it was weird when it turned out that only Johnny knew Russian. Little apprehensive of what he said, leaving him to represent us three?
В Советской России, тушь щетки написать вам!
Right. I don’t even want to know what that meant.
Jonathan, I think our secretary’s been knocking on the door for a while.
Oshi-! Sorry, got to wrap this up. My secretary’s a bit persistent.
But that’s a good thing! Maria’s a really nice girl who’s got her priorities straight!
… oohh, does someone have a c-
I don’t want to know, and I really don’t have time for this. Anyways, nice to meet you. The door’s that way.
Do watch out for falling spiders! And dinosaurs!
JOHNNYYYY!
But then it devolved into this crazy thing. Google translate. Italian, Spanish, and Russian were used. And these people are not based on anybody real, I literally asked DWoo for a random name and he gave me Jonathan. Which could be conveniently disassembled into three different names.
Soviet inkbrushes! And penguins on Mercury! Not in the originally intended format but yeah >_>
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